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Archive for 02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011

These are the days

Friday, February 25, 2011

Sorry for the lack of posts here you can probably tell we have been busy around the Wilbert household.  Looking back I can't really determine what has taken up so much of our time but it feels like we have been going non stop for the past month.  I guess sometimes life can just catch up with you and all of the little things add up to a lot of time.  Over the past month Danny and I both have been very busy with our jobs and have definitely noticed that during the week it has been hard for all of us to be home at one time. 

All of this time away from the kids and my family definitely makes life hard.  I start to feel incredibly guilty and doubt myself as a momma.  Should we have waited longer to have kids, do I really need to work out tonight, why do I have no patience with the kiddos, and the list goes on and on.  Being a momma is so hard and life changing.  There are so many times that I think I am falling short and that I am going to let my kids and Danny down.

Since becoming a mom so many normal things have changed.  When you say them out loud I usually am met with a confused stare and misunderstanding.  I can no longer watch the news, watch movies with sick kids, etc......I hear about all of the bad news and wonder what I would do if that had been Riley or Hannah.  I think about how fast time is going and realize they are growing so quickly.  I feel like I am missing out on so much by being at work for 8+ hours a day. I second guess myself constantly.  Am I making the right decisons? Not just for them but for us as a family.

When I look in the mirror I am amazed sometimes at what I see staring back at me.  I can remember a time not that long ago when I would never dream of letting someone see me without makeup, or have something spilt on my clothes, or even think about not taking a shower that day.  There are days when life and family just takes over and I look so tired.  My body is not the same and no matter how hard I try I have realized that my body has changed.  There is almost a pride that comes with these stretch marks though.  I know that what I went through to have my sweet angels is worth more to me than looking perfectly put together all the time.  If I look tired......I probably am! There are days when I look at the clock and realize it is 7:30 pm and I have not taken a shower because I have been keeping two kids out of trouble.

The great thing about all of those "hard" times is that they are met with some of the most amazing moments in my life.  Words cannot explain how your heart just fills when you hear your baby laughing for the first time. There is such pride watching my kids learn something new and realizing that they can do it on their own.  My relationship with Danny has changed, but not in the way I thought it would.  I didn't think I could love him for wanting to change a diaper, clean up the puke, or that he would stop what he was doing just to sit and play with our kids.  I get to see a man who cares more about his family than anything else, and I realize just how lucky I am.  Each day I fall more in love with him.

So, I guess that is what I have been up to.  Being a momma and wife to the most amazing family.  No big events or plans, just life.  How lucky I am!